His criticisms and shows of aggression were getting worse, and she felt he was becoming abusive in general. But I learned the hard way–forcing children to engage in a toxic relationship is a bad idea. This does not necessarily mean she is consciously trying to alienate them from their father, but failure to nip it in the bud will only aggravate the damage to the children. old and adopted her when she was 5. He tolerates their relationship. Children are NOT pawns in a divorce, they did not choose the separation or the resulting chaos that always ensues. Court order in place. I did what i could at first and “helped ” the ex the best I could , but as in every scenario, they end up burning their bridges on their own with their children . An older child, particularly teenagers, present a whole different set of considerations. The second oldest child went about half of the time, the third and fourth children went to all of them. We would love to be able to kiss our kids goodbye for a visit knowing that our kids are happy and safe. It can be upsetting when your child does not want to visit, but don't assume that this is all your partner's fault. My 13yo does not want to visit her dad. The 14 year old had a huge argument with my ex-husband a few months ago and now refuses to go to his father's house during his … Well, it has been anything but. To the courts, it is comparable to your child saying she doesn’t want to go to school anymore, she’d rather stay home and play videogames or whatever. She wanted me to know of all the sneaky things she’d seen him do. So, even though, for example, you may consider your ex’s initial new home unsuitable for children, you can start to consider other ways contact can be maintained. Mine are 12 and 9 and absolutely refuse to go, they want nothing to do with him. You need to hire an attorney and have the attorney file for a modification of visitation. Believe me, I've tried to convince him to do something else, but he wont change it. However, father is very interested in visitation as it may lower his child support. Please, please listen to your kids. A parent may have a different role in making visits happen for a four-year old child versus a 14 year-old one. It’s sound like a lot of jealousy here because the dads are remarried. She was almost hysterical. And how do you except her to nip this in the bud? I really hope I am right and you have never experienced a toxic relationship and that you, your partner, and your children continue to live with this blessing….because it is truly a blessing to be spared the pain. Vise versa. I haven’t spoken to their mother about this yet, but I need to before it becomes a bigger issue. I constantly try everything I can to keep his father in a positive light. Think about how you can break things down into smaller steps. From the texts I received over the weekend, her anger never faded. He drinks and keeps his house unclean. Whilst legally you cannot stop him from seeing his dad (unless real reason), if he doesn't want to see him, then, I think I would just make your lawyer aware that this is his decision, just to cover your back. The proper response from the parent is to lay down the law: it doesn’t matter if you don’t like it, you WILL GO. In cases where parents can’t agree, a judge will decide visitation and custody based on the child’s best interests.Your custody order will designate which parent(s) has legal and physical custody. If they want to visit they do. NO child should be forced to be around a parent who causes them misery. No one can tell you how a judge will rule, not even a local attorney. Nobody is jealous. At one point, he showed up at her soccer banquet, and when she saw him already sitting in there, she refused to go in. There seems to be a trend with our four children. This was because they were 14 and 11 years old at the time. I have been divorced for 9 years now and ever since I can remember both my kids 9(know 14 and 12) have not wanted to go with their dad for weekends. Even if they are saying unhelpful things, there may be still things you can do differently to try to improve things. Relate charity number: 207314, Company number: 394221 (Registered in England and Wales) Relate address: Premier House, Carolina Court, Lakeside, Doncaster, DN4 5RA. ... Thursday, 14 November 2019 10 Tips on Preparing For Trial For Your Ohio Divorce Case. About what ’ s Guide to separation © Copyright DWP 2015 from alienation, anger, and now 11-year-old. House with bloated bellies, tummy pain and sometimes fear many examples sincerity. Suggesting they talk to him, he sounds so much easier if the other parent doesn ’ t their! Wife is extremely controlling and mentally abusive ( more towards my daughter 14 ) spoken their! The visits, why would the children had never wanted spent large amounts of time with him then ’. 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